Tag Archives: self

Drown to Death

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Lift me up when you’re free
from underneath this pile of memories.
That’s where I refused to sink
but there, my life drowns to death.


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Hope

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Like an autumn hit in my twenties
Spring in my soul sheds all at once.
But to be the saviour of my world,
I will linger and hold on a bit more.

Push me; I’ll dip and crash on the shore,
as I am hollow, floating on the edge solo.
Or let me wait and conquer with light,
people, dreams and hopes of tomorrow.

What if these mountains will move,
as I climb up the stairway of time.
What if my twenties be the beginning
for me to be what I want to be.


hope for tomorrow

BREAK

“Why don’t you write anything nowadays?”

   Every time I faced that question I spit out some excuse about my final semester architecture studies. Of course, my days were busy.  I have never been this busy in my ‘entire life’!… Okay! I’m 22 but I can say that right!? Anyway, those days changed me a lot. I spent more time outside of “my room”. I would like to call it a “break”.

   I have heard people say we need to take a ‘break’ once in a while. Especially when life gets mad and stumbles across every sentence thinking what’s next. I had those days when I used to analyse everything too much. And I had days I was flying like a bird thinking about nothing. I had to travel to a lot of places. Places which I never expected I would visit in my life. I read a number of books. I met a lot of people who made me smile. But most of the time, I was on my own. And for me, that was the most required break.

   I had often felt guilty about my introverted self for not using every opportunity perfectly. But these days helped me to accept who I am. I stood up for choices and started dreaming what is necessary. I learned that life is an adventure when we do something we thought we cannot. In my past, I was pulling myself into the stereotype society created.
Really? “Stereotypes”? Do you want to believe what society says? Continue reading BREAK

2016 STORY

It may be good to ponder the memories before stamping on the pile of new resolutions. Even some memories dropped a few tears, they were the great lessons and the best gift of 2016.

After getting back together with my best friend once I lost, it was a good decision to focus more on myself and spend a huge amount of time listening to the world outside. Blending into the new workplace was not tough and I felt exultant on meeting new people who easily turned into close friends. Weekend plans always included the people I can’t live without and different foods I craved.

The wanderlust pinned me around the city as I climbed again on my two wheeler and that best friend who never wanted to leave became the constant occupier of the back seat. Life was always on a rollercoaster but within those ups and downs, I learned that family is always there. Continue reading 2016 STORY

True Friend!

Dear Best friend,

When I look up to the sky, I see no darkness. I see a thousand bright stars. Sometimes I wished to be one of them. Because I wanted to look from the sky to see this earth in every possible way; to find you. The one I believe. The one I think who can understand me, who wouldn’t let me down, who will not desert me when I am lost…
But… Here I am… alone in a room, wishing if I was beside you. I waited a long time… I felt you are never going to come to me… Then I thought you are around and I am not realising it. I tried to find you in many. I trusted so many. But I fell… knowing that you are never there. You were the mystery and miracle of my life. You were just another word for me. You were the one I often found in the middle of a sentence.
Now I am old… and I realise that you were always that metaphor I found in my mirror…

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Feel Content with Yourself!

During my internship I had this habit of texting one of my best friends telling to meet me whenever I go to college for some academic purpose. That meetings made me really happy. Anyway this is my 5th and last year of college and my long list of close friends passed out college all together after their 4 year course. So the last trip to college was difficult. I went there and walked all over there realising they are all gone. I felt lonely. I did not feel it is the same college I studied for past 4 years. Things had changed. Anyway that realisation had made me think deep.

It is difficult to part people who are attached to our heart. It is even more difficult to continue our life alone in a place where we used to love, fight, enjoy with our close ones , realising they are not gonna come back. I could often see a vacant space beside me, behind me and within me. But this is the reality of life. Life does not stop for anybody unless we force it to. But we humans have an ability to adapt to situations.

“All failure is failure to adapt”
– Max Mckeown

What pulled me back for a while was my own inability to adapt to a change. But I remember the days of my internship when I moved into a different city without any friends. I remember the time I spent alone in a hostel room for months and tried to figure out the same thoughts. And I remember all the people I met and some became my close friends. I remember all the late night rides, new food trials, long stories and crazy weekends. I was not just surviving but, I was living the best life possible. And when I was alone, there was many books, music… and art which was always an escape for me…

We all have our own lives. You may or may not find people like you. They may or may not be with you forever. We may or may not be willing to be with some. And you can not simply depend on a person for all your happiness. There is life ahead so,  there is hope. We all gonna move on and on our path we will meet new people and let us not forget all who were there for us. There is gonna be new experiences and new life. But to enjoy it, I should feel content with myself. Because my own perspective values!ds-happy-09


 Note to Self

Need to Find Self!

It is raining all day here in Kerala. Sun was always hiding for many days inside clouds and days are more dark and cold. So is my mind. For a week I was inside my home and working on my dissertation. For many reasons I was neither able to concentrate nor able to stay positive. I love these rains. And every year I wait for these days to watch rains from my window, to walk without an umbrella in my yard, to travel in a public transport bus with the windows partially open to embrace these drops. But I was not enjoying any of those. Life is easy when I look out through my window. But it was not easy when I look behind my spectacles. “Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nothing…” And for many days I found myself within a blank, dark space. But Often… I wanted to remind myself that it happens…

There is light at the end…” I remember this all the time. Because there was a more difficult time. A time I was not able to wake up from my bed to face the world without fear. But I survived it. So I can survive this. What we need to have is some bits of motivation whenever we feel bad. It always helps to reduce the pain than thinking we are lost. For many days I tried to sit and watch inspiring talks of people in YouTube. I went to Church often and prayed. But what really helped me was my own perspective about myself that “I can overcome this pain…”

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
none but ourselves can free our minds.

These are my favourite lines from Bob Marley. And I find it very true that, you can’t simply compare someone else’s misery to yours and feel OK. For the same reason, those talks were just a reminder that life is hard on earth for many people. The change we seek is always come from our own perspective, our own minds.  As we become strong, life becomes hard too. It is easy to give up. But I remember that anybody can do it but, there is only a few who willing to move on. I want be one among that few. Nothing should stop me…

Things change and people leave
but, life doesn’t stop for anybody

I know the intensity of these lines from outside the pages of “Perks of Being a Wallflower”. And it is the reality. Nothing is forever. So is my pain. There is a thousand reasons for me to stay strong. I would rather be a butterfly with a short span; not a kite which pulled by a string. I am going to read more on coming days. I think I will find myself in many pages. May be within these rainy days I will find that light. That sun will come out of my clouds. And slowly I will embrace my dear rainy days the way I used to… I will


Note to Self!